Life as a 10 month old


Some of Leo’s disposable diapers bear a hilarious legend on them reading, “I’m a busy baby” which makes me think of babies having agendas and trying to strike a work life balance. But he really is a busy baby.

We ask him, “What will you be?” A dentist when he shoves his hand forcefully into our mouths to discover what’s within. A tap dancer when we hold him over any hard surface and his feet paddle furiously against it. A contemplative monk when the stained glass at church absorbs his attention.

I wonder and wonder who will he be. What are the things he will say? What will our relationship with him look like in five, ten, fifteen, twenty years?

But he’s not waiting in some cocoon to transform into his future self. He really is busy being himself right now. And Leo right now is a wild and wondrous creature more bird or elf or monkey than human.

While his mother is caught up in her worries and distractions, he is meeting his world head on scampering away from grownups, flinging himself in different directions, falling over in boxes all the while chirping and babbling.

Except for diaper changes.

I’m pretty sure his gnashing and wails are just baby speak for a recitation of Helena’s monologue from “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”:

O spite! O hell! I see you all are bent
To set against me for your merriment:
If you were civil and knew courtesy,
You would not do me thus much injury.
Can you not hate me, as I know you do,
But you must join in souls to mock me too?



Life as a 10 month old

6 thoughts on “Life as a 10 month old

  1. Babies are such mysteries! You can see how they were already themselves when you look back, but at the time they’re impenetrable–or at least Pippin was! I remember thinking he was both extroverted and introverted, both bold and timid, and never quite being able to classify him. Scout is easier because I have some comparison now 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! Babies are mysteries! When Leo was in that unsmiling, otherworldly newborn faze, these feelings of wanting to know who he would be were incredibly strong. I think in a really heightened way, babies embody the reality that you can never fully know a person.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha! It pops into my head every time! And thank you! I think I get really hung up on wanting to write about motherhood because before I had Leo, it seemed pretty uninspiring in a lot of ways. I either heard a lot of negatives about how it was going to end my life or positives like, “It’s so hard, but so worth it” which felt a little banal. So when I finally had Leo, I felt like I had discovered this well-kept secret of how shatteringly beautiful and poetic motherhood actually is. What I thought was going to make writing harder now informs my creative ideas in so many ways.


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